Missionary Work

The past two months have been so busy around here. During our Wednesday night children's bible study, we are learning about different missions around the world. I have had the opportunity to lead many of these sessions. It has been so neat watching the childrens' hearts turn toward the missionaries working out in the fields.

Missionary work is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Partially due to the fact that my brother just left for the Phillippines to serve a two year Mormon mission and partially due to the fact that his leaving has made my heart yearn for the people who I misled in Russia when I served my mission so many years ago.

My prayers are with my brother that God opens his eyes to the fallacies he is teaching as He did with me. I also am praying that the people who I misled in Russia might find the truth and in turn find Jesus.

The Lawman Chronicles: Mormonism

Last night's edition of Ambassadors' Alliance Radio provided some very helpful information regarding Mormonism and how to reach Mormon's with the Gospel of Jesus Christ...

The Lawman Chronicles: Mormonism

Visit from the Mormon Missionaries

This evening we had a visit from the missionaries and a member of the local Mormon church. This encounter was so different from the last time the missionaries stopped by for a visit (almost 2 years ago). First of all, I have been praying about this visit most of the day, more for my husband than for me. I was so afraid this was going to be a "bible-bashing session" as I used to call them (when both sides start throwing out bible verses to argue their point). It didn't turn out like that at all. My husband did a wonderful job leading the discussion and witnessing to them. Although we cannot be sure what was in their hearts as they left, it seemed as if one of the missionaries was really affected by the conversation. My prayer is that God works in their hearts and pulls them out of Mormonism into the truth as He did with me.

Where will you go after you die?

In the Mormon's plan of salvation after this life ends there are three degrees of glory. That is to say there are three heavens where you will probably end up.

The three heavens are:

• The Celestial Kingdom (reserved for Mormons who have met all of the requirements of the temple and have, according to the Doctrine and Covenants, entered into the new and everlasting covenant (polygamy) and paid their "fire insurance" (10% tithing) faithfully, and so on and so on and so on)


• The Terrestial Kingdom (reserved for people who never had a chance to hear about Mormonism... very few people will end up here what with baptisms for the dead and all the missionary work going on in the spirit world before the judgment... more Mormon mythology)
  


• The Telestial Kingdom (reserved for everyone else... well... except for a select few which will go somewhere worse)

And although many Mormons now believe that there is no hell (an idea that modern Christianity is quickly falling/being deceived into), we were always taught that if we were to leave the Mormon church, then we would be sent to Outer Darkness, a place reserved for Satan and his minions.

However, the final destination will not be known until after the millennium. Until then, Mormons believe that our spirits go to paradise or to spirit prison depending on whether we accepted Mormonism in this life... to be continued

Twilight Follow Up

I wanted to post a follow up regarding my previous post about the book Twilight.

At the time I posted this, I was considering reading the book to understand what the hype is about, but the more I research the book, the less I want to read it. Yes, it is fiction. And yes, if we are teaching our children between good and evil, they will know the difference between fact and fiction.

However, personally, I don’t want to put anything into my mind that will cause me to stumble. And by stumble I mean cause even a momentary doubt or shadow to cross my mind. If I were to read this book, knowing full well that it is about vampires and written by a Mormon. I would be opening myself up to fall once again. This may seem harsh, but is it? Compare it to a Victoria’s Secret ad for a man who is tempted by pornography or to a piece of chocolate cake for a woman who is on a diet.

Satan’s strongest tools are persuasion and tolerance. Persuasion as in persuading a person that evil is not in fact evil (see Isaiah 5). Tolerance as in building up a person’s tolerance for evil. For example: “It is only an apple” (funny how that is the cover of the first Twilight book, isn’t it?) Or “it is only has one/two/three curse word(s).” This quote reminds me of a story I heard on the radio the other day:

Dad's Brownies---Great lesson!!
A father of some teenage children had the family rule that they could not attend PG-13 or R rated movies. His three teens wanted to see a particular popular movie that was playing at local theaters. It was rated PG-13. The teens interviewed friends and even some members of their family's church to find out what was offensive in the movie. The teens made a list of pros and cons about the movie to use to convince their dad that they should be allowed to see it.
The con's were that it contained ONLY 3 swear words, the ONLY violence was a building exploding (and you see that on TV all the time they said), and you actually did not "see" the couple in the movie having sex - it was just implied sex, off camera.
The pros were that it was a popular movie - a block buster. Everyone was seeing it. If the teens saw the movie then they would not feel left out when their friends discussed it. The movie contained a good story and plot. It had some great adventure and suspense in it.
There were some fantastic special effects in this movie. The movie's stars were some of the most talented actors in Hollywood. It probably would be nominated for several awards. Many of the members of their Christian church had even seen the movie and said it wasn't "very bad".
Therefore, since there were more pros than cons the teens said they were asking their father to reconsider his position on just this ONE movie and let them have permission to go see it.
The father looked at the list and thought for a few minutes. He said he could tell his children had spent some time and thought on this request. He asked if he could have a day to think about it before making his decision. The teens were thrilled thinking; "Now we've got him! Our argument is too good! Dad can't turn us down!" So, they happily agreed to let him have a day to think about their request.
The next evening the father called in his three teenagers, who were smiling smugly, into the living room. There on the coffee table he had a plate of brownies. The teens were puzzled. The father told his children he had thought about their request and had decided that if they would eat a brownie then he would let them go to the movie. But just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.
The pros were that they were made with the finest chocolate and other good ingredients. They had the added special effect of yummy walnuts in them. The brownies were moist and fresh with wonderful chocolate frosting on top. He had made these fantastic brownies using an award-winning recipe. And best of all, the brownies had been made lovingly by the hand of their own father.
The brownies only had one con. The father had included a little bit of a special ingredient. The brownies also contained just a little bit of dog poop. But he had mixed the dough well - they probably would not even be able to taste the dog poop and he had baked it at 350 degrees so any bacteria or germs from the dog poop had probably been destroyed.
Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat the brownies which included just a "little bit of foreign substance" and not be effected by it, then he knew they would also be able to see the movie with "just a little bit of smut" and not be effected. Of course, none of the teens would eat the brownies and the smug smiles had left their faces. Only Dad was smiling smugly as they left the room.
Now when his teenagers ask permission to do something he is opposed to the father just asks, "Would you like me to whip up a batch of my special brownies?" (Copied from the following link:
http://www.rushonline.com/visitors/familyvalues.htm)

As one last example about tolerance, simply consider the difference in the shows our parents watched on TV or in the movie theaters compared with today's shows/movies. The topics that were such a big deal when Three's Company was shown on air are no longer even discussed thanks to the show paving the way for shows such as My Two Dads, Friends, or How I Met Your Mother.

Here are a few more links that you may find interesting:

For a fairly decent review of the first book by someone who has read it, see:
http://www.challies.com/archives/book-reviews/book-review---twilight.php

This is the author’s blog about how she came up with the idea for the book:
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/twilight.html

This article is an additional viewpoint about Twilight:
http://bereanwife.blogspot.com/2008/12/twilight-praised-by-christian-groups.html

Which links to the following article from my last email (in case you didn't have a chance to read it):
http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/blog/index.php?p=1311&c=1

This article is not about Twilight, but I thought it was a good article about discerning how a true work of the Holy Spirit can be distinguished from a false work:
http://www.gty.org/Resources/issues/611

In conclusion, I am quoting the following Bible passages to show a small portion of the Bible’s viewpoint on how Satan operates (please try not to take these verses out of context by applying them to Twilight – in that it is a work of fiction):

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we received mercy, we do not lose heart, but we have renounced the things hidden because of shame, not walking in craftiness or adulterating the word of God, but by the manifestation of truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 2 Corinthians 4:1-4

so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. 2 Corinthians 2:11

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15

Then that lawless one will be revealed whom the Lord will slay with the breath of His mouth and bring to an end by the appearance of His coming; that is, the one whose coming is in accord with the activity of Satan, with all power and signs and false wonders, and with all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth so as to be saved. 2 Thessalonians 2:8-10

I would love to hear your viewpoints on this topic!

Mormons and Atonement

Okay, this morning while I was listening to one of my radio podcasts, the host stated that Mormons do not have an atonement. I have to clear this up a bit, because the way that Mormons use the term atonement is different than the way that Christians use the word Atonement. Here is what I was taught about the word atonement:

Atonement: To be "at one" with Christ. I was raised believing that the atonement meant in one aspect, while Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, He experienced every sin that anyone has ever committed. This meant that He could sympathize with us and help us through every struggle that we had as we were striving to become perfect. According to the Mormon belief, Jesus took on the sins of all other mortals which caused him to bleed from every pore suffering in both body and spirit. (Mormon's Doctrine and Covenants 19:18, "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink— ")

"We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. " (Mormon's Article of Faith #3)

For an idea of what the Mormons teach, you can review the Atonement of Jesus lesson plan or this more detailed atonement lesson plan on their website.

One thing that struck me as interesting as I was thinking about this earlier, is the fact that according to Mormons, through the atonement, you can become at one with Christ just as He is at one with "Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost" -- Three personages, One purpose.

At this point I need to tell you that even though most of you who read this information will see the fallacies in the teachings, as I delve into the material to post, I struggle to keep Mormon beliefs separated from Christian beliefs. Even now, after being free from the Mormon church, if I spend too much time reviewing their theology, it starts to seem familiar again... remind you of a bible verse? (hint: "familiar spirits").

The things that Mormonism teaches can so easily seem right ("There is a way that seems right to a man..." Proverbs 14:12), but they are fallacies twisted with just enough of the truth to confuse and send you off the narrow way.

I am going to wrap this post up with one last thought about Mormon's beliefs about the atonement... According to Mormon belief, our sins are our spiritual debt and without Jesus we would pay for our sins with a spiritual death. Oh, and one last thing, Mormons believe that Everlasting Torment, etc. is temporary. How do they explain it? Well, Everlasting is a name for God, therefore it is Everlasting's Torment... make sense...?

P.S. for more information, CARM has a great article about Mormons and the Atonement.

Family and Community... with an Evangelistic Message thrown in...

If you have ever visited Utah, no doubt you have noticed a difference from "the rest of the world." One thing that I do miss about Mormonism is their focus on their families and communities. Everyone in a certain radius attends the same church every Sunday. Monthly visits by the visiting and home teachers are expected, as well as Monday night Family Home Evenings. It is no wonder so many people find it difficult to leave Mormonism. Leaving Mormonism means leaving family, friends, neighbors, etc.

Wouldn't it be amazing if this is how Christ's church operated? Isn't this how Christ's church is supposed to operate? Visiting, sharing, ministering, guiding (after all, these are all things that the Mormon church focuses on in its good works driven theology) all with the glory of God in mind and with a heart for Christ (and not trying to work our way into heaven).



http://www.mrm.org/multimedia/video/mormonisms-impossible-gospel

Twilight

A couple of years ago I bought a book for my oldest daughter, who thankfully has been blessed with a gift of discernment. At the time, Twilight was an almost unknown series. I figured since it was written by a Mormon it should be okay, meaning no sex or major violence. During the past couple days full of hype about the movie, I have changed my mind.

Here is the thing. The author (a self-proclaimed Mormon) has stated that a lot of her basic beliefs are ingrained in the story. "Meyer, a wife and mother of three from Phoenix, who is a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and graduate of Brigham Young University, says she has become accustomed to people asking her, “What’s a nice Mormon girl like you doing writing about vampires?” But as she told one Mormon-themed Web site, “Unconsciously, I put a lot of my basic beliefs into the story.”" http://www.sj-r.com/beliefs/x466663776/-Twilight-author-s-Mormon-faith-a-big-influence-in-books-film

While it may be a "decent" book, I have not yet read it myself, therefore, I can only discuss here the following points that I feel are important:

First, everything else aside, the book is about vampires. Are these not considered to be demonic? We are already raising the status of witches to acceptable, are we also going to raise demons to good creatures? Oh, wait, that was a different charming tv show...

Second, the book is laced with Mormonology. While that may seem harmless, the more you are exposed to the beliefs the more they make sense until soon what seemed so wrong previously starts to seem more like fact. This indoctrination is what scares me about this book. Mormon missionaries are taught that the first step to "bringing the gospel" to a person is to build relationships of trust.

Think about it. This means that with the popularity of this series, Mormon missionaries now have an "in" with anyone who is a Twilight fan. All they have to do now is go up to your child and say something like, "Hey have you read Twilight? Isn't it great? Did you know the author is Mormon? Yeah, she reads this book (holding up the Book of Mormon). Would you like to read it too?"

Okay, yes, this is a poor dramatization, but I'm hoping that if you are reading this you get the point. Here are a couple other links on this subject that I recommend reading:

http://bereanwife.blogspot.com/2008/11/do-you-know-what-your-teens-are-reading.html

http://virtuealert.blogspot.com/2008/11/lets-talk-vampires.html

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. " Philippians 1:9-11

Regarding Good Works and Having Your Best Life Now...

We were discussing Paul and his conversion (Acts 9) in our bible study class this morning, and it hit me how great and awesome God is. He didn't have to pull me out of Mormonism, but He chose me as one of His own. I have been reading a lot of posts lately about people berating others for thinking so low of themselves and/or teaching their children to believe that they are wretched sinners. All I can think is how deluded we who call ourselves "Christians" have allowed ourselves to become. When did Christianity become all about "me"?

I am the worst of sinners and was once like the people who hold self-esteem so high and self-righteously cling to their good works. But as Paul was changed on the road to Damascus, God plucked me out of Mormonism and created in me a new person. Here is the amazing part of all of this. I do not need to tell myself that I have a purpose or that I am a good person. I do not need to listen to men speaking about how to have a better life now. I am a worthless sinner whose offerings are as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). However, through Jesus Christ, I am clean.

My best life is not in this life but in the life to come and my time is best spent right now raising my children for God that they may serve Him someday and also in sharing my story of how God changed me, with the hope that even one person who reads it or hears it may come to know Jesus Christ who lived a perfect life, took on the sins of the world, died on the cross, rose again, and is seated at the Right Hand of God!

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; " Romans 5:1-4

Mormons are Christians Too... Really?

It is my hope that the posts that I make on this blog will not be construed as being against people who are Mormon. I am merely against religions that hide the truth from their followers. Not too long ago, a family member joined a group that went by the title Mormons are Christians Too. At first, I was sad that she thought that way (as most Mormons do). However, as I started to think of the recent trend in Christianity to misconstrue who Christ is, I realized there may be something to what she and other Mormons think. Maybe Mormons are more like Christians than we think. After all, when we twist the truths of the Bible to become relevant and/or politically correct, aren't we merely creating our own version of who Jesus Christ really is? Then aren't we guilty of the same sin as Mormons in following a false god? How far must we go before we turn our version of Jesus into someone who is not the same as the Jesus in the Bible?

While reading in Ephesians this evening, I came across the following passage in Chapter 5:

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. Ephesians 5:1-13

What is Paul's concern in these verses? I believe that his concerns are the same that we should have today. With much of "Christianity" becoming silly and vain, how much more should we who know the truth warn people against these things. How can we bring those stumbling around in the darkness into the light? There are so many people, like my family, who have been deceived with the "empty words" or empty promises (i.e. "you shall not surely die, but shall become as gods") of the men they follow. I know there are times when I have been more afraid of man than of God when it comes to speaking the truth, especially when it comes to witnessing to members of my family. According to these verses, the times when I succumb to my fear and joke or make light of the things of the spirit (isn't this considered a form of blasphemy?) are times when I have looked silly or foolish to Him. Which is worse? Looking foolish to men, or looking foolish to the Almighty God, the One who gave you life?

Self Righteousness and Making your Calling and Election Sure Mormon Style

I was thinking a little bit today about how it seemed so easy to knock on doors and talk with people while I was on my Mormon mission compared to trying to witness with people now. I think part of it is that I struggle with trying to figure out whether the facts that I know from the Bible are really facts, or the twisting of facts that were ingrained in me while I was a Mormon. The other part could be because I was so swept away in my self-righteous all-knowing attitude that if I didn't know the answer, I would make up an explanation that sounded correct and state it as fact.

Imagine for a minute being told your entire life that you were to become a god and that Jesus would help you get to heaven after all that you could do. The struggle I find in this is that you doubt that you are going to make it to heaven because you keep breaking the rules, so in order to make yourself feel better, you focus completely on the rules you keep well and the things that you do to make up for the areas in which you falter. This in turn makes you start looking at other people like, "well, if I can keep this rule, why can't you?" and the cycle goes on and on until you are so caught up in the sin of self righteousness that you deny that anyone else could be right about any subject that you have even a smidgen of knowledge in.

The only thing that you have left to strive for at this point is making your "calling and election sure." For more of an idea about what the Mormons think about this concept, please review the following article (with a grain of salt knowing that it comes from the Mormon Church) in the Mormon Church's Magazine (The Ensign) titled, "The Accepted of the Lord: Making your Calling and Election Sure." My friends and I believed this to mean that after you have done everything that you need to do to become perfect your calling and election will be made sure and that you will be translated like Elijah was "in the twinkling of an eye."

It is no wonder that Mormons struggle with depression knowing that with every sin, they fall farther and farther from their goal of making their calling and election sure. How great is our God that He has sent His Son to bridge the chasm and cleanse us of our sins if we turn from them and trust in Jesus, and that he is preparing a place for us in heaven without "all we can do!"

"Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputes not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile. When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah.
"I acknowledge my sin unto you, and my iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah.
"For this shall every one that is godly pray unto you in a time when you may be found: surely in the floods of great waters they shall not come near unto him. Your are my hiding place, you shall preserve me from trouble; you shall compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go: I will guide you with my eye. Be not as the horse, or as the mule which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto you. Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusts in the Lord, mercy shall compass him about. Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, you righteous: and shout for joy, all you that are upright in heart." -- Psalm 32

Thoughts on past conversations and regrets...

"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast out devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? Then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." -- Matthew 7:21-23

My aunt and I would talk about various things when she was alive. Sometimes when we were talking about my grandpa, she would say that he used to tell her that a lot of people in our family were going to be surprised when they reached the other side (meaning after they die, of course). I always wondered what that meant. Until recently, I didn't quite get it. It makes me wonder if my grandpa figured out the truth about Mormonism before he died...

Another conversation my aunt and I had was regarding the Temple ceremonies. When she first went through the temple with my grandpa, there were additional ceremonies that were removed before the first time I went through the temple. We were talking a bit about the first experience of going through the temple. She said that while the ceremonies were taking place, she felt uncomfortable and thought that it wasn't right. However, she looked over at her father who had taken her there and thought that if it wasn't right he wouldn't be doing it. Oh, how right she was at being uncomfortable about the ceremonies.

One major regret that I have is this: I had the opportunity to share the truth with my aunt before she passed away and I did not do it, because I was afraid what my family members that were in the room with me would say. I also wasn't born again myself at this time, only thought I was (although this is not an excuse). However, all that aside, I will always regret not speaking up. The lesson learned is that every opportunity I have to speak to someone about Jesus Christ, I must speak and push past my fear of man.

"Fear not, for I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; yea, I will help you; yea I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness. Behold, all they that were incensed against you shall be ashamed and confounded: they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them, and shall not find them, even them that contended with you: they that war against you shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought. For I the Lord your God will hold your right hand, saying to you, Fear not; I will help you." Isaiah 41:10-13

My Testimony

I have been asked by a number of people to write my testimony down. I have not written it down prior to today because, first, I did not know where to start, and second, I did not feel like I had a story, finally, I am afraid of what my family (95% Mormon) will say. However, after a conference my husband and I attended a couple weekends ago, I have decided that it is a story that needs to be told. So here is my story:

My name is Teri Campbell. I grew up in a 5th or 6th Generation Mormon home. I am not quite sure how far back it ran in our family, but that is not important. I was baptized into the Mormon religion when I was eight years old. I received my patriarchal blessing when I was twelve. I temporarily rebelled when I was eighteen but returned to Mormonism when I was nineteen. I served a Mormon mission in Novosibirsk, Russia when I was twenty-one. And I finally left Mormonism when I was twenty-seven. How? It started while I was on my mission. Surprised? It is all by the grace of God.

During my mission, I truly felt blessed to be able to share the "gospel" of Jesus Christ with people who had previously not heard of Christ. While there, I was confronted by a woman who was also from the states. When I said to her, "what does it matter what religion we are from, we are bringing the knowledge of Jesus Christ to people who have never heard of Him," she turned to me and said, "your Jesus is not the same Jesus as my Jesus Christ." With that we separated company and went our separate ways. Her words, however, continued with me.

During the year and a half I was in Russia, I read the Bible for the first time from cover to cover. I had questions, but didn't ask anyone. After all, the Bible was fallible... that is to say we believed in the Bible as far as it is translated correctly. I figured my confusion was merely mistakes in the Bible. There were other instances during my mission that I found confusing.

One that stands out is that while we were visiting with a family who were interested in the church, I asked them to pray to find out if Mormonism was false and God would tell them that it (Mormonism) was true. I had read an article in the Ensign (a Mormon publication) that spoke about that being effective in sharing the "gospel" with people. I got in so much trouble for asking them this question. I couldn't understand why we couldn't ask something like this...

After my mission, I continued on strong in the church for a while, but questions kept coming up especially the more I studied the History of the Church, and other Mormon books. I finally left the Mormon Church after sitting in front of a counsel of men, where I confessed my sins and asked for forgiveness. After being sent out into the hall while they deliberated on what to do with me (all of which I was able to hear from where I sat), I began to become more and more angry with the fact that these men who were as fallible as I am were judging me, which I believed was God's job. As a side note, I know that anger was leading my judgment with them at this point, but this is what made me leave the church for good. I was called back in and disfellowshipped. This is what they do prior to excommunication. It meant that I could go to church but I could not participate (i.e. not allowed to pray, give a talk, take the sacrament, teach a class, etc.)

The next two years after I left the church were full of pride and rebellion against all of the rules that the Mormon Church had held me under for years. Then, I decided I was going to chase my dream of singing and headed to Tennessee. After moving to Tennessee, I visited a Mormon church off and on. I now call it "getting my fix" of Mormonism. I would go, feel better, and then do what I wanted until the next time I needed my fix.

Fast forward to a few months after I met my future husband, at this point, I felt like something was missing and I was beginning to search for what it was. My future husband took me to my first Baptist church. I was so amazed that I could "feel the spirit" in a place that wasn't a Mormon church. Little did I realize at this point that emotions are deceptive and do not mean that something is of God.

After a couple of visits, I decided that I wanted to be Baptist. I think I mainly wanted this because of my future husband and not because I was saved. I prayed the sinners prayer with the pastor at the church and walked a way being told that I was saved.

A note about my husband (my rock through my struggle with Mormonism): He grew up in a little town in Idaho, which is 95% Mormon He had many friends who were Mormon and had many opportunities to learn about Mormonism first hand. In his own words, “I personally love the Mormons and wish we as Christ’s church could emulate the fellowship love within the LDS (“Latter-day Saints” aka Mormons) walls.” Despite his background and proximity to Mormonism, he was never drawn into their ranks and is adamant against the false teachers and doctrine that lead these sheep away.

Even after my husband and I married, I kept feeling a pull back to the Mormon Church. While I was pregnant with our daughter, I went back to the Mormon Church twice, behind my husband's back. While there, I was told I needed to divorce my husband since he was not Mormon. This was after two visits... Anyway, I finally broke down and told my husband what I had done. He was upset and concerned about the fact I had gone to the church (rightly so since I had gone behind his back) and after a long conversation, I promised I would not return to the church again.

A couple months later, we moved to a church that was closer to our house that has an awesome children's program. We became very active with the children's program. After attending this church for about a year, I realized that I had not truly made a commitment to Christ. Instead, I had been going to church for the wrong reasons, mainly because I felt important at church. At this point, I decided that it was time that I was baptized in the Baptist church. I had not been baptized previously, because up to this point, I had felt that my Mormon baptism had been me showing my commitment to God. Plus, I still had one foot in Mormonism. The following Sunday, I walked the aisle and asked to be baptized.

At this point in my story, I need to pause to say how great God is. There are so many times when He could have decided that saving me just wasn't worth it and struck me down. He could have let me continue in my sins and not show me the way, but He didn't. He sent His Son to die for me, the wretched sinner that I am, because of His great Love for me, although I do not deserve it...

Again, following baptism, I was renewed. I became more active in the church, doing all of the things I felt I was being called to do. Then I became pregnant again. I began to burn out. I started to find people to take over the things that I was leading, claiming that it was because of the pregnancy. Around this time, my husband found "The Way of the Master." The girls and I would get so irritated with him playing the radio program every time we rode with him. Mainly because he would play it so loud, the radio host would grate our ears.

One day, I had a couple errands to run, and my husband had left his IPod in the van. I decided to listen to the program while I ran my errands (at a decent volume level). I started to get hooked. After a couple months, my husband got irritated with me listening to his podcasts when he wanted to, so he got me my own IPod and downloaded the program onto it for me. Whenever I could, I would listen to the program.

Then, one day, a lady called in, I think her name was Katie. She was searching for assurance that she was saved. I had doubted my salvation for a while. This program gave me the courage to send an email to the ministry. They directed me to a couple of links which I had already listened to, so again I decided that I was saved and I was okay.

At this point, I really started struggling with my life. I joked around saying that my hubby turned 40 and I had a mid-life crisis. On the outside, I tried to keep everything together, but on the inside, I just kept getting worse and worse. God was showing me all of my sins and how worthless I really was, and I didn't want to see it. My pride was getting the best of me. I kept worrying about what everyone else would think knowing that I was a false convert. And I did not want my husband to know that I had not been saved. Because (strangely enough) I did not want him to rejoice if I became saved. My selfishness and anger at my husband had caused me to be so prideful God had to break me to bring me to Him.

The fact that my husband and I were registered for the Deeper Conference (hosted by Living Waters) was the only thing at times that kept me from walking away from my marriage or my job. This was because my selfishness was blinding me to what I have: A faithful husband who has been right beside me even when I have been downright mean to him and four beautiful children who are my life and my joy. That weekend at the Deeper Conference, changed me.

After the conference, I realized the reason I struggled with sharing my testimony, was because I wasn't sure I had one. I began reading my Bible, listening to podcasts of Paul Washer, Johnny Hunt, The Way of the Master, etc. I finally gave up. I began praying. Of course, I choose the worst times to pray. I was driving down the road on the way to pick up the kids from daycare. I gave it all to God. I asked that He forgive my pride and arrogance. I also asked Him to search my heart to rid me of any unclean thought and wash me in the blood of Christ. I know I am a wretched sinner who does not deserve the great love of God, that He would send His Son to suffer in my place because He wanted me with Him on that final day. He has saved me! This is my Testimony of Jesus Christ in me and of the Greatness of God that He would save a sinner such as me.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son that whosoever believes on Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16